Since January my back and left leg has been acting up. I thought it was on the way out for a while then I started physical therapy. Mistake. After each session the pain got worse. Break through pain sending me into the fetal position crying out. It has been a rough patch for sure.
I had x-rays done at the chiropractor last week and while he can see wear and tear thanks to my age and weight there isn’t anything major showing on the films. The sessions have been helpful but over the weekend the break through pain has returned.
I have an appointment at the UNC pain clinic (moving from Duke) this week but it is just a consult. So I doubt they are going to have anything to say about the pain or a treatment plan until after we get back from our RV trip in June. But I am hopeful that I can get back in before we leave. Just not holding my breath.
For some reason this pain is causing me more anxiety than usual. I am curbing my habits and saying no to things that I would most likely otherwise do because of fear. It hurts that bad. I am afraid of the pain.
Living with fibromyalgia I have become intimate with pain. I don’t know why this is different. I honestly think I have just been on edge since the surgery. I don’t know why. It is something I chose to do to myself, for myself. But with the surgery and especially the lifestyle after the surgery is filled with anxiousness.
So as I learn to live my new life I am trying to let go of some of this anxiety – I can’t get rid of the worry gene that I was born with (thank Mamma) but I can try to get it under control.
That’s my journey.